{"id":1170,"date":"2011-02-05T23:47:24","date_gmt":"2011-02-05T23:47:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/?p=1170"},"modified":"2011-02-17T09:47:54","modified_gmt":"2011-02-17T09:47:54","slug":"february-5th-2011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/february-5th-2011\/","title":{"rendered":"February 5th 2011"},"content":{"rendered":"

Must have been quite drunk and tired last night because I enjoyed a long sleep that woke me up at 9.30, with a little gentle tap on the head.\u00a0 Well a heavyweight hose on the head to be truthful, which I like to strive towards when at all possible.<\/p>\n

By the time I\u2019d read a bit and showered and dressed, I heard footsteps up the driveway and an entourage of Tronches were coming to see me.\u00a0\u00a0 Or whatever a collective of Tronche\u2019s are called \u2013 a whole Tree of Tronches perhaps.\u00a0 The word had got around that I had things to sell.<\/p>\n

I greeted each one in turn \u2013 the daughter, the daughter-in-law, the son, the mother and the father.\u00a0 Each one of them asked the same questions \u2018Are you selling everything?\u2019.<\/p>\n

Yes everything.<\/p>\n

\u2018What, everything in the house?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Yes everything in the house and the barn\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018what about the table & chairs?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Yes absolutely the table and chairs.\u00a0 Everything is being sold if possible\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018What about the fridge and cooker?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018For sale, as is everything.\u00a0 Everything is being sold\u2019<\/p>\n

It went on like this for a while until they must have started to believe me and then began asking me the price of things.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bugger!\u00a0\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t really thought of that.\u00a0 I had expected people to make an offer, and overlooked the fact that they might need some starting guidance.<\/p>\n

The daughter-in-law who lives at the top of the hill wanted the mattress.\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how much a mattress is in france.\u00a0\u00a0 I bought them cheap six years ago \u2013 I think they were about 150 euros each. \u00a0\u2018I\u2019ll swap it for a nice bottle of wine\u2019 I said.<\/p>\n

\u2018Don\u2019t be silly\u2019, she said, although I didn\u2019t understand the words.<\/p>\n

\u2018Okay then, I\u2019ll take 25 euros.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018Well it\u2019s a fine mattress\u2019, she replied and I thought there was going to be a fine haggle on.\u00a0 \u2018in good condition and just right for my husband who\u2019s suffering from sciatica and needs a good mattress like this to help him recuperate\u2019.<\/p>\n

The husband came limping in and shrugged his shoulders and started bemoaning the fate of the sciatica sufferer, of which I shrugged back to show sciatic sympathy and endear him to me so that I could strengthen my haggling position.\u00a0\u00a0 He lay down on the mattress and rolled around a bit showing impressive signs of pain.\u00a0 \u2018C\u2019est bon\u2019 he said.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019ll give you 50 euros\u2019 she said.\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, fine, perfect I said, wondering how I managed the most successful haggle of my life.\u00a0 And it was an instant hangover cure.<\/p>\n

The transaction done, they set off on their way and I got onto the tasks of the day which were to put everything in boxes.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve got loads of boxes, it\u2019s terrific.\u00a0 I bought a lot of boxes with me, and there are many boxes in the house \u2013 every time I open another cupboard a few boxes fall out.\u00a0\u00a0 Hard plastic, cardboard, big, small, foldable, flexible \u2013 I\u2019m in box heaven.\u00a0 Which is just as well because I\u2019m in a junk hell so the Yin is certainly giving the Yang a run for its money.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>So all the junk has got to find its way to the right box.\u00a0\u00a0 Well not all the junk of course because I\u2019m sorting through it and being rigorous in my selection criteria.\u00a0 Which stays, which is thrown, which is to be packed to take, and a not sure yet pile.\u00a0\u00a0 Some things are easy to decide on \u2013 damaged baking trays and cases of pencils and out of date drugs.\u00a0 Other things I\u2019ve had to struggle to come to terms with the fact that they won\u2019t be joining me in the next life.\u00a0\u00a0 I was going through the cutlery to decide which I\u2019d take with me, taking some time about it until I realised that it was pointless.\u00a0 None of it is particular exciting or good quality and I\u2019ve got more than enough cutlery in England and Germany already.\u00a0\u00a0 So it was all put into an old metal washing-up bowl (not a box!) to take to the recycling.<\/p>\n

Things got a little easier once I\u2019d realised the futility of keeping everything.\u00a0 I want to leave here with a vanfull of the things most dear to me, like the little stuffed elephant toy that made it over here safely all those years ago and has been quite happy sitting in the drawer of the dressing mirror ever since.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019ll put it in the maybe pile for a while until I come to my senses \u2013 or until I see how full a vanfull is.\u00a0 Most of the stuff fitted nicely into a box of destiny. All the drawers are now empty and the dust inside them is probably wondering what a big new world it is in there.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I went to sort through my tools left in the old van.\u00a0 But first I took the number plates off for identification purposes.\u00a0\u00a0 I thought the van would look better left here as an old French van, so I screwed on a French plate that I found in the barn.\u00a0 748 EW 19.\u00a0 I thought better of moving the steering and pedals across to the left, despite the discrepancy in the licensing identity, but the van looked French enough to be left abandoned and unloved in a field in france to rust away beneath the walnut tree.<\/p>\n

For absolutely no discernable reason that I can fathom now or could at the time, I then spray painted the front hubcap silver.<\/p>\n

The tools were easy to decide on, because all tools are useful tools.\u00a0 They just needed a bit of sorting before they could be packed efficiently into wooden boxes.\u00a0\u00a0 The longer job was going through the millions of nails and screws and washers and brackets and rawlplugs and hooks and drills and assorted plastic shapes and bicycle repair stuff and knobs and knockers. \u00a0And try to put them in order.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Put them in order means separating the grande melange \u00a0into their respective groups, but they are such an integrated society that any attempt at forcing a system of Apartheid on them proved futile.\u00a0\u00a0 So I threw out all the rusty nails from the rusty tins and threw out the other rusty things that defied description and probably have had a use in their time.\u00a0\u00a0 No, that can\u2019t be right.\u00a0 Old tins of rusty things have always been old tins of rusty things, that\u2019s what they were when they came into existence and that\u2019s what they were last year and this year and will be next year and for ever. \u00a0\u00a0They\u2019ve never had a use in their time other than to be opened when you are looking for a decent thing of the right shape and right size without a kink in it, then shut again when you realise it was just an old tin full of rusty nails.<\/p>\n

So old tins of other bits n bobs were also emptied and are to be thrown.\u00a0\u00a0 The tins were kept of course.\u00a0 One mustn\u2019t lose one\u2019s tins in life.\u00a0 I shall find new bits and bobs to put in them.<\/p>\n

Madame Tronche came by again with the old man to measure the cooker because she saw an opportunity to replace her old one that was faulty.\u00a0 Unfortunately it was a few centimetres to wide \u2013 dommage all round \u2013 but it gave us all a chance to play another round of \u2018What! You\u2019re selling everything? Yes everything\u2019.<\/p>\n

I took the mattress up to sciatica man, but it was the woman wearing the trousers and doing the lugging and talking and questioning.\u00a0\u00a0 We got through quite a few topics just carrying the mattress in from the van, and by the time they\u2019d discussed which was the right way round for a mattress on Boteng Day (some French pagan festival) I was telling her my life story.\u00a0\u00a0 I must admit to being ignorant of the fact there is a right SEASON to turn one\u2019s mattress, but there it was plain as day on the label, l\u2019hiver<\/em>.\u00a0 The other side is l\u2019ete<\/em> she explained as he nodded in agreement while stroking the back of his leg (not an easy thing to do I would think).\u00a0\u00a0 Apparently it\u2019s got different padding characteristics for winter and summer settings (the mattress not the leg \u2026although?).\u00a0\u00a0 No wonder she paid me 50 euros.\u00a0\u00a0 If I had known the mattress could do tricks then I would have demanded that she paid me double and send it to circus school.\u00a0 Or a Swiss furnishing school ha ha.<\/p>\n

I thought to leave them as quickly as the situation warranted.\u00a0 But not being familiar with the situation this wasn\u2019t intuitive, so I imagined 8 minutes was about enough.<\/p>\n

Back at the house I could get back to work on going through the paints and cans and tins of sticky, squeegee, noxious, greasy, pasty stuff.\u00a0\u00a0 Another easy decision.\u00a0 I kept everything that was still squidgy if it was meant to be squidgy, still sticky if it was meant to be sticky etc etc, until I was left with a collection of not very much.\u00a0 The rest is to be dumped.\u00a0 Hooray this is easy.\u00a0 So liberating to get rid of that which you\u2019ve never used, or have bought too much of.\u00a0 Too much wood stain.\u00a0 Too much putty.\u00a0 Too much sealant.\u00a0 Too much paint.\u00a0 Why do we need this stuff in our lives?\u00a0 How much putty does a man putt in a lifetime?\u00a0 Only so many windows of the right type of casement at the right time.<\/p>\n

Anyway,\u00a0 having rationalised my DIY hoard considerably, I now feel confident that I can get the remainder in the van for the journey home.<\/p>\n

Sebastian came round with mother and stepson.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know the rules to \u201ceverything?\u201d but he soon latched on.\u00a0 He might be interested in the sofabed and the table and chairs but he\u2019s got to run it by Christel first.\u00a0 I think he was also impressed by my keen pricing.\u00a0 I can\u2019t remember the keen price I settled on at random but I hope he can should Christel be d\u2019accord with the promise of new tat.\u00a0 Perhaps he\u2019ll learn from his mother and haggle me up to a better price.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Into the evening and it\u2019s the usual rush to get to the phone box to chat to my wife (she\u2019s lovely), then back to light the fire, and cook, and make sure the chickens are safe \u2013 oh no not that bit, that\u2019s for the neigbours.\u00a0\u00a0 I made an impressive fire, bolstered as it was with half a bag of coal.\u00a0 How the coal got here I don\u2019t know but I found 6 bags of it, so I\u2019m determined to use it up before I go.\u00a0\u00a0 It works very well with a hint of wood to start it off and is still going now at 11.30 having been lit at 8.<\/p>\n

Which reminds me.\u00a0 I need to get to bed.\u00a0 Better fill my hot water bottle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Must have been quite drunk and tired last night because I enjoyed a long sleep that woke me up at 9.30, with a little gentle tap on the head.\u00a0 Well a heavyweight hose on the head to be truthful, which I like to strive towards when at all possible. By the time I\u2019d read a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1170","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adieu-le-chassaing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1170","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1170"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1170\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1176,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1170\/revisions\/1176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1170"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1170"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1170"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}