{"id":1185,"date":"2011-02-07T22:16:14","date_gmt":"2011-02-07T22:16:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/?p=1185"},"modified":"2011-02-17T10:16:44","modified_gmt":"2011-02-17T10:16:44","slug":"monday-feb-7th-2011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/monday-feb-7th-2011\/","title":{"rendered":"Monday Feb 7th 2011"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Such an easy day in theory.\u00a0 All I had to do was saunter into town and get some money out the bank.\u00a0 Then go shopping.\u00a0 Then pop to the council offices to explain why I actually don\u2019t owe them money.<\/p>\n

So I got up early and managed to wash, breakfast, and travel into town before half nine.\u00a0 Such a superior feeling doing all that and realising that you could get all your things done for a week before midday on the Monday.\u00a0 Unfortunately I had forgotten that French banks don\u2019t open on a Monday, and not having a bank card I had to postpone the cash withdrawal part of the day.\u00a0 So I went to the council offices and walked up to the treasury so that I could explain the mistake they had made in their last bill.<\/p>\n

It was then that I realised that the week was beginning to be harder than it should have been.\u00a0\u00a0 Behind the desk of the treasury was a man organising papers from one side of the desk to the other.\u00a0 Clearly a job of significance.\u00a0\u00a0 I approached his desk, smiled, said bonjour, and began to explain that I had a question with the letter they had sent me recently because it seemed to imply that I owed 100+ euros in fines because of late payment.<\/p>\n

The man behind the desk became the rudest man I have ever met, French or English or anywhere.\u00a0 He has got the prize.\u00a0 He just said, well you owe this because you\u2019re an idiot.\u00a0\u00a0 Well I should say that he probably didn\u2019t say this, but that is exactly his intonation, and therefore exactly as it came across.<\/p>\n

His curtness flummoxed me.\u00a0 Excuse me, I said.\u00a0 But when I came into this office last year and spoke with a nice receptionist and paid off all my council tax as you then demanded for the past 3 years, it was agreed that because you hadn\u2019t sent the bill to the correct address then the late payment fine would be waived.\u00a0 If you refer back to your notes you will see that I paid in full back in August and we all agreed the fine wouldn\u2019t be necessary.<\/p>\n

\u2018I\u2019m busy\u2019, said the man. \u2018You didn\u2019t put anything in writing therefore I\u2019ve got no record of anything.\u00a0 Go away and rot in your small rainy country you git.\u2019<\/p>\n

I was beginning to think that my poor French was causing paranoia, but on further questioning it turned out that he was just the rudest man I\u2019d ever met.<\/p>\n

\u2018Hang on\u2019 I said.\u00a0 He continued to move bits of paper from one side of the desk to the other.\u00a0 \u2018perhaps you don\u2019t understand my outrageous accent.\u2019\u00a0 I tried stupidity in capitals.\u00a0 \u2018I PAID THIS LAST YEAR YES?\u2019.\u00a0 \u2018WE AGREED THAT THE FINE WAS UNNECESSARY BECAUSE YOU HAD THE WRONG ADDRESS YES?\u2019\u00a0 \u2018EVERYTHING WAS SORTED BACK IN AUGUST NO?\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018CAN YOU CHECK YOUR RECORDS AND PERHAPS YOU\u2019LL SEE THAT EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER\u2019.<\/p>\n

The man wasn\u2019t having any of it.\u00a0 \u2018We have nothing in writing.\u00a0 I have nothing in writing so I can do nothing.\u00a0 Go away you stupid engleesh\u2019.<\/p>\n

Yep, he was trying my patience.<\/p>\n

To be honest I couldn\u2019t believe that he could be so rude.\u00a0\u00a0 He was so much the opposite of customer service, that I was beginning to wonder whether it was customer training day and I was at the wrong end of the example of exactly how not to handle members of the public. \u00a0\u00a0Perhaps if I waited a few minutes someone would pop out from behind a video camera and say \u2018 Merci Jules, now we should see how Natalie does it properly shall we?\u2019<\/p>\n

But no.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t happen.\u00a0 I asked to see the boss.\u00a0\u00a0 He shrugged and told me that he was the boss, and it was him that sent me the letter in the first place.<\/p>\n

I was angry at this point, but I didn\u2019t want to lose my cool because it was clear he was a knob.\u00a0 In my head I struggled for a suitable reply \u2013 something like \u2018You don\u2019t like your job do you?\u2019 \u2013 but it didn\u2019t come quick enough, and it was obvious that he hated his life and his very existence behind the desk.\u00a0\u00a0 Instead I gave him a look of contempt that he ignored, and said \u2018so if I write to you to explain that which I\u2019ve just explained to you then that would help?\u2019<\/p>\n

He barely ignored me.\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Comme vous voulez\u2019, he shrugged.<\/p>\n

I was still a bit bemused because it\u2019s so rare that you meet such wankers in real life that you really have to wonder to yourself whether it\u2019s YOU that has been unreasonable in this interaction.\u00a0 But no, I reflected on this and decided that I was asking perfectly reasonable, calm & measured questions that it could only be his obnoxiousness that could explain the situation.<\/p>\n

Not wanting to inflame the situation any more,\u00a0\u00a0 I walked out.\u00a0 There would be nothing I could say to this man to make him feel any worse than his menial job behind the desk already had.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The silence was my weapon.\u00a0 I got to the stairwell outside his door and thought about being angry, but instead I laughed.\u00a0\u00a0 Then I walked down the stairs and laughed much louder.\u00a0\u00a0 He would hear.\u00a0\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know that I was leaving France and leaving the tax system, and leaving his petty life forever.\u00a0 I laughed because at that moment I had genuinely found him the most arrogantly stereotypical French awkward red-taped tosser that ever lived.\u00a0\u00a0 And I knew he couldn\u2019t touch me.\u00a0 Come and get me for my 117 euros Monsieur le boss.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a shame really because I\u2019m one of the few that find the French helpful and accommodating.\u00a0 And he had shattered my illusions and put a bad taste in my mouth for the rest of the morning because his attitude was just so ungenial.\u00a0\u00a0 By the time I got home, I just had to write my letter of explanation so that I could put it in front of him tomorrow.\u00a0 Bad French or not, it was coming his way.\u00a0 \u2018you no listen frenchie \u2013 I already an agreement make several suns ago \u2013 you make mistake with your bill\u2019.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I went shopping and bought very little because I\u2019m trying to use up all the stuff in the house before I go back.\u00a0\u00a0 I have flour, and raisins, and rice and sugar, and couscous, and mustard, and cranberry sauce and chickpeas, and balsamic vinegar, and pasta, and quite a few other stuff that won\u2019t go together.\u00a0 Tonight I made something that didn\u2019t quite go with potato croquettes.\u00a0 Tomorrow I might make something that doesn\u2019t quite go with the risotto.\u00a0\u00a0 I met Madame Tronche\u2019s daughter-in-law in town and she said that she\u2019d saw my advert in the supermarket and thought it was great and thought that perhaps she would be interested in the microwave because she didn\u2019t realise that the microwave was included in the \u2018everything must go\u2019 sale.\u00a0 So we arranged to meet later.<\/p>\n

As soon as I got home I thought that perhaps I should clean the microwave to make it more presentable to the casual buyer, but before I could get my Mr. Muscle out the Tronche-in-law was in the driveway ready to view the microwave in question.<\/p>\n

At first she liked it, but when she saw inside she pronounced it too dirty to possibly be worthy of her house.\u00a0 \u2018Well I was just about to clean it\u2019 I protested.\u00a0 \u2018No no it was too late.\u00a0 It was too dirty and certainly far too dirty for her kitchen\u2019.\u00a0 Did I not know that one is meant to cover food before putting it in the microwave.\u00a0 I tried to explain that \u2018If you give me ten minutes then it could be the cleanest microwave you\u2019ve ever seen\u2019, but I realised something else at work in her manner.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t actually want my microwave. So why make all the fuss?\u00a0\u00a0 When she\u2019d left I had a good old clean of the microwave, and the gas oven, and the fridge, and now everything looks so clean that there can be now further excuses.\u00a0 I shall probably keep the microwave for myself as it\u2019s so much cleaner than anything I\u2019ve ever seen.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>I then set to work on the serious issues of the day.\u00a0 I thought it a good idea to write to the local council and let them know that there may be an antichrist in their midst.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s difficult writing in French without Mr. Google to help you.\u00a0 You have to think of every nuance of grammar just like in the old days before technology existed.\u00a0\u00a0 So I made my best attempt at explaining my side of the story to the powers that be, but I\u2019m not sure my heart was in it because I genuinely felt that Monsieur MyJobIsShit wasn\u2019t the sort of person that would change the world even after it had been explained to him that he really was a small merde in pond of bureaucratic shrugging nonsense.\u00a0 C\u2019est la vie.\u00a0 My letter would have to maintain an air on indecipherability and I didn\u2019t care who laughed at the schoolboy French as long as they didn\u2019t get my money ever.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s probably just as well that my french-engleesh dictionary didn\u2019t have decent swear words in it though.<\/p>\n

Next I made a visit to the local dump with the first van full of rubbish.\u00a0 It was nice to be able to do something simple and uncluttered by paperwork for a while.\u00a0\u00a0 I threw out the big \u2018yellow\u2019 sofa and all the cutlery and all the old engleesh books, and all the duvets and towels and clothes and shoes that were grotty for some reason or other.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0The dump man (simple & uncluttered and so happy in his job) hesitated at throwing a load of books into the paper recycling, but once he noticed they were engleesh any budding sentiment had passed.<\/p>\n

I went back to the house and waited for some people who had phoned after some furniture.\u00a0 The day was hot.\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018It\u2019s Boteng\u2019 said the neighbour.\u00a0 There is an event in the calendar I had never heard of until a week of two ago when Ilka first introduced me to it and all of a sudden everyone knows about it.\u00a0 The day between the winter solstice and the equinox.\u00a0 Yeah whatever.\u00a0 I\u2019ve only just got used to boasting that I know about the summer solstice and the winter solstice and now all of a sudden another celestial calendar event has been invented to try and unnerve me.\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway, \u2018Boteng\u2019 was the excuse that the neighbour gave for it being so warm and sunny today.\u00a0 16 degrees!\u00a0 That must be unseasonal anywhere in the Northern Hemisphere at this time of year.\u00a0\u00a0 It was very welcome though.\u00a0 It meant I could go around working in a teeshirt and leaving doors open just like I do in the summer.<\/p>\n

At 4, the engleesh people I\u2019d been expecting turned up.\u00a0 They were Mexican furniture experts, and I had a wealth of it.\u00a0\u00a0 I gave them a tour and then they asked me to write down the price I wanted for each item they wanted.\u00a0\u00a0 I think it came to about to 520 euros for everything but they scoffed.\u00a0 Bugger.\u00a0 Clearly the haggling God of earlier in the week has gone and had a lie down somewhere because I can\u2019t seem to talk people up like I used to!\u00a0 She said \u2018well we would take it all but as it\u2019s not exactly bargain of the century \u2026\u2019 (she was scottish).\u00a0\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t going to rise to that bait.\u00a0 I knew they wanted the stuff for their holiday lets and it matched exactly what they had already got.<\/p>\n

We settled on a price of 300 euros (minus a few items) partly because they were in need of Mexicania, and partly because I was so glad they were going to take the stuff away.\u00a0 The table, the chairs, the sideboard, the dresser, the hall table, the bedroom chest of drawers.\u00a0\u00a0 I shudder to think what it all cost me originally to bring it all over and put it all together but sod it.\u00a0 As far as I was concerned I was making a tidy profit.\u00a0 And it also meant that I had paid for this week\u2019s holiday!<\/p>\n

They gave me the money and disappeared.\u00a0 I went to visit Le Professor<\/em> down the road because I hadn\u2019t seen him for a while.\u00a0 He\u2019s okay, but is still recovering from his back operation and the fact he fell down some stairs and broke an arm and some other shrugging limbs.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 On the way back, I met with Madame Tronche who gave me my annual harvest of walnuts.\u00a0\u00a0 Sharing such pleasant moments in the sunset of Le Chassaing one could be forgiven for having to wipe a tear from the corner of one\u2019s eye.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Such an easy day in theory.\u00a0 All I had to do was saunter into town and get some money out the bank.\u00a0 Then go shopping.\u00a0 Then pop to the council offices to explain why I actually don\u2019t owe them money. So I got up early and managed to wash, breakfast, and travel into town before […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1185","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adieu-le-chassaing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1185","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1185"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1185\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1191,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1185\/revisions\/1191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1185"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1185"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.splunge.co.uk\/richnilk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}